Hello my friend,
How do we know when we are being our true self? I’ve discovered something called “The 8 C’s” that, I believe, helps us answer that question.
We are our true self, our authentic self, when we are feeling:
· calm
· clear
· connected
· confident
· compassionate
· courageous
· creative, and
· curious.
I love this list. Which has me wondering, why aren’t we our “true self” more often?
I’ve been learning about “parts work” and I think this could be an answer for us. Parts Work (also called Internal Family Systems) believes that there are lots of different parts in us, like the Indulger, the Isolator, the Rebel, the Task Master, and the Saboteur, to name a few. Having parts doesn’t mean we are damaged or broken. Even Aristotle and Socrates believed the psyche was divided into parts. But when we are in a “part”, we may not be experiencing our highest and true self.
The really interesting thing I’ve discovered about these parts is that they are not trying to hurt us, they are trying to protect us. They aren’t trying to keep us from our dreams, they are trying to protect us from change, from possible failure, and from fear of the unknown.
Unfortunately, although they mean well, our parts may be hindering our Life Design efforts. I know from my own experience, that sometimes when I dream of doing something my parts show up like a stop sign to keep me from doing it. For example, next week I leave for Spain, to walk the Camino — 15 miles a day for 20 days — and you can imagine how loudly my parts cried out to try and stop me from trying such a “risky” thing.
So what can we do when our parts take us away from the 8 C’s?
First of all, we don’t judge our parts or hate them. We learn to accept ourselves fully. We are whole and we are perfect, just as we are. YOU are whole and perfect just as you are.
As Journalers, we tend to be good at mindfulness (knowing what’s on our mind) and introspection (knowing where it’s coming from). This is a big advantage. The next time you have a dream for your life, see if there are parts of yourself trying to talk you out of it. Ask these parts, why? What do they think they are protecting you from? Let them have their say. Sometimes our parts just want to be heard.
When my parts tried to talk me out of walking the Camino, I lovingly let them know that I appreciated them looking out for me. I let them know that I had given this a lot of thought and that I would do a good job preparing. I reminded them that I’m an adult and I need to explore. Then I thanked them and ended the “conversation” with, “If you ever need to say something to me, just let me know. I’m listening.”
This inner conversation with my parts brought me back to my true self and I once again felt:
courageous and curious,
calm, compassionate, connected, and
clear, creative and confident.
The next time your heart wants to do something and your parts try to talk you out of it, I invite you to do a little “parts work” to see if there are aspects of yourself that need to talk to you.
***** I discuss this topic in more detail on my podcast *****
“The Power of Journaling”
(Available on Apple and Spotify and all major podcast platforms)
Until next time… keep living by design, not default.
Rebecca Kochenderfer
Your life design doctor
P.S. I’d love to hear what you discovered when you did a parts work session. I’m available at [email protected]
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