🌱 Grief

Here’s your 3 insights in 3 minutes.

😢 Grief

Thursday night, I heard my stepdad wasn't doing well (background here.) I immediately felt guilt and shame about not being there more.

Saturday morning, he passed away.

More guilt. Why didn't I reach out more? Why didn't I visit enough?

But I’m realizing that guilt isn't moral failure. It's grief looking for control.

My brain wants something to cling to. "If I had done more..." somehow feels better than helplessness.

But underneath all of it is something much simpler:

Grief is just love with nowhere to go.

All the love I want to give, but can’t.

Grief isn't a failure. It's proof of love.

💙 Love

This quote puts it beautifully.

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”

— ― Jamie Anderson

❤️‍🩹 Feeling = Growth

In a perfect world, we’d only feel the pleasant emotions.

But it actually works the opposite way.

The more we ignore or suppress the emotions we don’t want to feel, the more they stick around.

“The emotions you ignore have the tendency to grow. Whereas the emotions that you let yourself feel have the opportunity to move through you and not leave a heavy mark.”

— Yung Pueblo, The Problem with Always Trying to Feel Good.

The growth lies in facing unpleasant things without running away.

“Sadness, anxiety, grief, loss, fear and all other heavy emotions are a normal part of life. Trying to erase them is unrealistic. Instead, your energy is better spent feeling them in a balanced manner. Knowing that there is something in them for you to learn, to process, and to eventually let go. Letting yourself feel the heavy things is not the same as getting stuck in them. Being okay with not being okay is a skill that helps you not get dragged down by challenges.”

— Yung Pueblo, The Problem with Always Trying to Feel Good.

For more on this, check out Yung Pueblo’s essay The Problem with Always Trying to Feel Good.

Salud,
Mitchell

Ps. Norm on cancer