Hey friends.
Note: As a result of reading (and applying) this, you may experience increased confidence and happiness.
I started experimenting with this in 2022. It works.
🍃 The Paradox of Confidence
The book title struck me as odd.
My (very confident) friend told me how impactful it was for him a few years ago.
I ignored it.
Until three days later someone else brought up the exact same book title.
So I dove in.
It did NOT disappoint.
It’s the most underrated book and useful book I’ve ever read.
The book is The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt.
But before you judge a book by its cover (like I did), here’s a quick overview of the best parts:
The actions of confidence come first, the feelings of confidence come later.
Confidence is not the absence of fear, it’s a transformed relationship with fear.
Negative thoughts are normal. Don’t find them, defuse them.
So how do you defuse these “normal” negative thoughts? Notice, name, neutralize.
By noticing (“I’m having that the thought that…”) it distances us from the thought. Naming (“ahh here’s that inner critic again”) lets us assess if we want to listen or not. Then neutralizing lets it go if it’s not helpful.
My favorite technique is the “leaves on the stream” metaphor. I thought it sounded silly at first, but I now use it without even thinking. It works.
It comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and involves visualizing each thought as a leaf floating down a stream. Instead of engaging or trying to suppress these thoughts, you simply observe them passively and let them drift away (they are not you, you’re just observing).
It also helps to add lighthearted humor when naming. (“Aha, a classic maximizing for validation thought. Thanks mind. But not helpful, so moving on!”)
🧠 Book Chat
When I start reading a book, I’ll keep simple book notes using this template.
First pass + review (when did I read/review?)
Core lessons (what were best parts I learned?)
Summary/Notes (what resonated?)
This helps me review it super quickly whenever needed.
I will also reference it to then have a quick convo with ChatGPT.
For example:
Here’s the conversation link I had with ChatGPT to spark ideas for you.
💪Healing
“time does not heal all wounds; it just gives them space to sink into the subconscious, where they will continue to impact your emotions and behavior. what heals is going inward, loving yourself, accepting yourself, listening to your needs, addressing your attachments and emotional history, learning how to let go, and following your intuition.”
— ― yung pueblo, Clarity & Connection
Perfectly said, no notes.
My only wish is that I understood this sooner.
Salud,
Mitchell
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